Thought I made it clear now--

I feel personally vindicated.

Around 8 years ago, I left a relationship. Well it was a breakup but it was one that was needed, during this relationship I had been gas-lit by my significant other's husband. In that he was constantly trying to convince me that I was crazy, that my feelings were not valid-- and my significant other actually sided with him on several accounts and occasions. I was not happy to be honest and there was just something about this man that just utterly made me not like him, his attitude and such. Sure, I tried to get along with him for Shu's sake but when it came down to it, I just couldn't.

When I voiced that I didn't like him, that I thought he was a shitty person-- she surface agreed with me but she also agreed with him. Now granted, I am sure that it was because she didn't want any reprisals-- that's fair, after all they had kids together. but like, I just couldn't stomach him.

Well recently found out that he got busted for inappropriately touching young girls. A heinous act to be sure, but it was hard not to just yell a resounding "I KNEW IT!" like, he was always trying to control every detail of our lives, he said such winning things as 'I don't consider you a woman but a man because you like women' and other really just 'horrible' things. I don't like being right by any stretch of the imagination, and my heart goes out to his victims but I guess it just goes to show that he is the smarmy piece of shit that I thought he was and that all of the 'you're just jealous' accusations that hurled toward the end. It was actually his ex-girlfriend that shared it with me and she had some pretty horrific things to say about it to be honest. But well, there you go.

8 years ago, my breakup with Shu was like the end of the world.

Today, I feel like I'm definitely thriving. Yup, I'm 40-- but I have a husband I love and a job that entertains me, and look at me RPing and shit after a near 7 year hiatus.

Hello everyone!

I am finally starting to emerge from Emet-Selch land, I think that the taking up of that character to RP him really did help work through all of my feelings for ShadowBringers. (because oh, I had all of the feels) but it also proved to me that I still have creative bones in my body when it comes to writing. Sure, iconning-- that is something that I sort of adopted in order to externalize a really bad breakup 'but' I had promised myself 'no rp'. Well Emet-Selch, y'bastard-- you really did it.

Also it helps that I've met some really awesome RPers that I adore and who've become really great friends to boot over Discord. (Hoju, Luna and Verthunder, you guys are awesome - mad totes respect.)

Next week releases the next patch in the expansion. Usually with FFXIV patches, the first couple of patches are pretty much last expansion 'cleanup', while the last couple of patches are 'prep for new expansion'. With Stormblood, I was 'eh' about the patches right after the game (except for Skalla-- Skalla was hand downs my favorite dungeon, nnngh the glam), but then once Prelude in Violet hit, I was like "AWWW YISSS". But I think with this expansion it's different-- I am like grabby hands for the expansions AFTER ShadowBringers and I'm just hoping above all hope that it just continues to be JUST as epic.

Please don't disappoint me SE.

So yes everyone, I still exist!

I AM STILL HERE!

Just been stuck in Emet-Selch land--

I am completely serious-- the last time I thoroughly consumed a character, it was Citan Uzuki from Xenogears. This is scary and yet-- strangely fun all the same.

To be sworn, if I have any further fun at the Ascian buffet-- I may start puking my eyes out.

So I am so thoroughly enjoying RPing Emet-Selch (sadlonelyspires) and like every time I RP him, I learn something a little bit different about him. Of course I'm predisposed to the Emet/WoL ship (it really just wrote itself, the entire ShB story), but seriously interactions with anyone has really been enlightening.

Sorry for ducking out of this journal-- but the muse is so very strong and I'm like in a constant, perpetual state of delight, like I don't think it's fair

Also, it's helping me to come to terms with the events of ShB, I didn't realize at the time that when I finished it, that my heart was in a state of grief. I told one of my friends who mutually plays the game, that picking up Emet-Selch was my way of coping, of letting the grief run it's course, of putting flowers in empty soil.

Though I also anticipate the second playthrough-- it's gonna gut punch me harder because of that.

OH BLAH!

I went from stanning Po, to stanning Emet-Selch. WHERE IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?

Po is still the most AWESOME SPIDER FIGHTER THOUGH, never forget

I am flailing about in Emet-Selch hell--

Send HELP!

or a Warrior of Light-- idk-- this ship is sinking.. ahhhhhhh

sadlonelyspires

Probably 80 percent of this is going to be cut-text for spoilers-- not even going to apologize. I didn't really want to put my thoughts into words until I had successfully completed the game, and complete it I dd. Let me tell you, that was ONE HELL OF A RIDE. Though luckily for all and sundry, I've decided to put this all under a cut text-- because I'd like to think I am a considerate person, not to mention I also do realize that there are people that didn't have a luxury of a five day weekend with which to complete the game-- I did press through it pretty fast though, and that is with doing EVERY SINGLE SIDEQUEST (I like to think of it as immersion, to be honest)

( Become what you must.. become the warrior of darkness )

Short post is short. I took a page out of ai page and pared down my user icons-- the icons I chose to keep are icons that I feel are either..

1.) Defining of me
Or
2.) My best icon work

Which means I kept ALOT of the crack icons-- heh

There are also a few icons that you would have to PRY OUT OF MY COLD DEAD HANDS

My user icon page feels so much lighter. Onto filling it with new icons!

In order to create icons, I have to almost literally explode with feels for a series. My brain is programmed not to react or creat unless synapses are firing--- this is a sad but true fact about me! And if I try, it may turn out like crap because I. Just. Don't. Care.

Caring is my main motivation tbh. Like I care about FFXIV right now so that is what is causing me to 'awwww hell yas'. And coincidentally icons from that game is the ONLY ones that are turning out.

Like this Hauchefant icon... *tear* which reminds me, I am glad aeris pulled me out of hiatus or else THIS ICON WOULD NOT OF BEEN MADE..

God bless the men (and Alisaie) of Eorzea.

Edit: also saw that my Mat icon as well as Hauchefant are side by side and being that my character Mat is in serious crush with him, it is fitting that Hauch should be stared at by Mat for all eternity

So I have been off the radar, but only because Eorzea has consumed me-- and I have been sort of getting into the RP scene for a few of my characters thus hiatus on icons with the occasional postings!

But I made a carrd for one of my Cs on Brynhildr.

Wanderings of a Desert Rose

That took me around 4 days to fully do-- but, not so bad if I don't say so myself.

Now for Mathias Jaevyn, my grump Au'ra.

So psyched for ShadowBringers! You have no clue!

So I went to see Aladdin last night--

I went into the movie thinking that it 'may' excrement all over my childhood" and trying to convince myself that it wouldn't 'truly' matter.

Coming out of that movie though, I was completely charmed. Sure, I have things that I don't like about it, like Jafar and I didn't care much for Aladdin. But the very theme of female empowerment that was presented was just so gosh darn amazing, like-- that's how to be a kickass lady right there-- and my worst fear (that Will Smith was gonna try to somehow FILL Robin Williams shoes as the Genie) were entirely UNFOUNDED. Like, a minute into Will Smith's interpretation and I gave a breath of relief that wasn't the case-- he brought something new and awesome to that role that wasn't 'greater' than Robin Williams role but was 'equal' without being 'same'.

And the inclusion and personality fleshing-out of Jasmine's handmaid, Dalia-- I LIVED for that! (easily and hands down my favorite character in the entire movie, I need icons of her and I will MAKE icons of her)

So thank you Disney, for not disappointing me like I feared you would. I left the movie theater with feels-- and then some.