Thought I made it clear now--

Thu, 05 Dec 2019 12:47:30 GMT

You knew it was gonna happen.

This is my FIRST non-Emet-Selch icon in like fricking MONTHS! Seriously it took a little green ball of D'AWWW to do it.

(don't worry, still love Emet-Selch)

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at long last--

Sat, 09 Nov 2019 17:15:24 GMT

I feel personally vindicated.

Around 8 years ago, I left a relationship. Well it was a breakup but it was one that was needed, during this relationship I had been gas-lit by my significant other's husband. In that he was constantly trying to convince me that I was crazy, that my feelings were not valid-- and my significant other actually sided with him on several accounts and occasions. I was not happy to be honest and there was just something about this man that just utterly made me not like him, his attitude and such. Sure, I tried to get along with him for Shu's sake but when it came down to it, I just couldn't.

When I voiced that I didn't like him, that I thought he was a shitty person-- she surface agreed with me but she also agreed with him. Now granted, I am sure that it was because she didn't want any reprisals-- that's fair, after all they had kids together. but like, I just couldn't stomach him.

Well recently found out that he got busted for inappropriately touching young girls. A heinous act to be sure, but it was hard not to just yell a resounding "I KNEW IT!" like, he was always trying to control every detail of our lives, he said such winning things as 'I don't consider you a woman but a man because you like women' and other really just 'horrible' things. I don't like being right by any stretch of the imagination, and my heart goes out to his victims but I guess it just goes to show that he is the smarmy piece of shit that I thought he was and that all of the 'you're just jealous' accusations that hurled toward the end. It was actually his ex-girlfriend that shared it with me and she had some pretty horrific things to say about it to be honest. But well, there you go.

8 years ago, my breakup with Shu was like the end of the world.

Today, I feel like I'm definitely thriving. Yup, I'm 40-- but I have a husband I love and a job that entertains me, and look at me RPing and shit after a near 7 year hiatus.

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Tue, 29 Oct 2019 01:03:23 GMT

I have come to believe that my taste in fictional characters roughly point out how truly fucked up I am.

What in heaven-on-high is wrong with me?

Oh I can't even--

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Thu, 24 Oct 2019 00:47:38 GMT

Hello everyone!

I am finally starting to emerge from Emet-Selch land, I think that the taking up of that character to RP him really did help work through all of my feelings for ShadowBringers. (because oh, I had all of the feels) but it also proved to me that I still have creative bones in my body when it comes to writing. Sure, iconning-- that is something that I sort of adopted in order to externalize a really bad breakup 'but' I had promised myself 'no rp'. Well Emet-Selch, y'bastard-- you really did it.

Also it helps that I've met some really awesome RPers that I adore and who've become really great friends to boot over Discord. (Hoju, Luna and Verthunder, you guys are awesome - mad totes respect.)

Next week releases the next patch in the expansion. Usually with FFXIV patches, the first couple of patches are pretty much last expansion 'cleanup', while the last couple of patches are 'prep for new expansion'. With Stormblood, I was 'eh' about the patches right after the game (except for Skalla-- Skalla was hand downs my favorite dungeon, nnngh the glam), but then once Prelude in Violet hit, I was like "AWWW YISSS". But I think with this expansion it's different-- I am like grabby hands for the expansions AFTER ShadowBringers and I'm just hoping above all hope that it just continues to be JUST as epic.

Please don't disappoint me SE.

So yes everyone, I still exist!

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Wed, 25 Sep 2019 00:44:18 GMT

Hello everyone!

Ascian-trash reporting for duty! I still exist. It's been a rough couple of months and only because I've been properly mourning Emet-Selch and thus does the ADHD come in and voila, hyperfixation. It's been eat, sleep, breathe Emet-Selch-- I've actually hit on some REALLY good RPers and I've created a lot of really fun stories and gotten to know my Emet-Selch muse. He is a monster, I haven't had a muse hit me THIS hard (dare I say he is bigger than Citan Uzuki-- I am afraid to say this, but it's the truth).

In non-FFXIV related news-- for my 40th birthday, my husband and I went to California. It was fun but it was also bittersweet as I had to deal with problematic family issues and the fact that my grandmother STILL does not have a headstone. This is of course typical of my family, no surprise. Also dealing with the constant jealousy and vitriol from my Aunt Cathy was also pretty damn amusing. But for all of that, there was an overwhelming surge of nostalgia of being back 'home'. Like I hadn't been back there in 16 years but it still felt like only yesterday that I was a teenager and wandering those streets, and of course it was just as much fun showing where I grew up to my husband.

And Disneyland was ALOT of fun, and I bought the Enchanted Tiki Room Dress, I bought Haunted Mansion Minnie Ears, I had DOLE WHIPS and BENGAL BARBEQUE and ate TONS (more than I should've, probably). Vacation was nice though and it was a nice little respite from real life.

So how has everyone else been?

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Sat, 31 Aug 2019 15:31:59 GMT

I AM STILL HERE!

Just been stuck in Emet-Selch land--

I am completely serious-- the last time I thoroughly consumed a character, it was Citan Uzuki from Xenogears. This is scary and yet-- strangely fun all the same.

To be sworn, if I have any further fun at the Ascian buffet-- I may start puking my eyes out.

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Thu, 01 Aug 2019 22:55:43 GMT

Emet-Selch obsession still going strong with no sign of stopping-- he is coming to take all your WoLs so be prepared.

Also gosh darn it, am I hopeless trash!

That is all, good night!

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: Meanwhile in RP-land :

Fri, 19 Jul 2019 11:49:47 GMT

So I am so thoroughly enjoying RPing Emet-Selch (sadlonelyspires) and like every time I RP him, I learn something a little bit different about him. Of course I'm predisposed to the Emet/WoL ship (it really just wrote itself, the entire ShB story), but seriously interactions with anyone has really been enlightening.

Sorry for ducking out of this journal-- but the muse is so very strong and I'm like in a constant, perpetual state of delight, like I don't think it's fair

Also, it's helping me to come to terms with the events of ShB, I didn't realize at the time that when I finished it, that my heart was in a state of grief. I told one of my friends who mutually plays the game, that picking up Emet-Selch was my way of coping, of letting the grief run it's course, of putting flowers in empty soil.

Though I also anticipate the second playthrough-- it's gonna gut punch me harder because of that.

OH BLAH!

I went from stanning Po, to stanning Emet-Selch. WHERE IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?

Po is still the most AWESOME SPIDER FIGHTER THOUGH, never forget

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Tue, 16 Jul 2019 11:49:31 GMT

I have never had a muse become this strong-- like holy hell-- where did the general ridiculous that is even me (come on, you know I'm not lying) even find that deep inside of me. I feel like somewhere, a teletubbie is crying-- icons, a fanmix in the works, and oh all the RP-- all of it.

Like Emet-Selch is 'big mood' for me-- why is that not a moodlet?

GODDAMN IT, FORGIVE ME WHILE I GO CRY IN A CORNER NOW--BEING THE THIRSTY EMET-LOVER THAT I AM?

Also, why do I like to RP the characters I crush on? Like most people would see the characters that they just absolutely have the hots for and create a journal to throw at that character. Not me-- I go and make the fk'ing character and say "Come at me, bro!" to all those swol WoL's

Just a fucking 'big mood'

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Sun, 14 Jul 2019 21:44:11 GMT

I am flailing about in Emet-Selch hell--

Send HELP!

or a Warrior of Light-- idk-- this ship is sinking.. ahhhhhhh

sadlonelyspires

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Wed, 10 Jul 2019 11:42:49 GMT

I'm probably a little thirsty for Emet-Selch-- planning a RP account for him. It's like I need to RP him; truthfully. So that's probably a certainty.

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: ShadowBringers hath kicked me in the feel sac :

Mon, 08 Jul 2019 01:57:16 GMT

Probably 80 percent of this is going to be cut-text for spoilers-- not even going to apologize. I didn't really want to put my thoughts into words until I had successfully completed the game, and complete it I dd. Let me tell you, that was ONE HELL OF A RIDE. Though luckily for all and sundry, I've decided to put this all under a cut text-- because I'd like to think I am a considerate person, not to mention I also do realize that there are people that didn't have a luxury of a five day weekend with which to complete the game-- I did press through it pretty fast though, and that is with doing EVERY SINGLE SIDEQUEST (I like to think of it as immersion, to be honest)

( Become what you must.. become the warrior of darkness )

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Thu, 27 Jun 2019 11:44:12 GMT

So today is maintenance on FFXIV in preparation for the new game dropping. Tomorrow is early access. The last thing I did in the game pre ShadowBringers is run Skalla for that coat-- didn't get it, then was like "Oh well--", I didn't participate in any grand send off parties or anything like that, tomorrow I actually will have to work but when I get home and get everything downloaded (that is if it hadn't downloaded through the day), then it is GAME TIME! I did like Stormblood, it was good for what it was-- but I'm eager to get to this next patch because I just want to know what happened to the Scions.

If anyone has a character on CRYSTAL DATA CENTER-- drop your characters name here and I will look for you when I'm online. Also if you have discord, drop that name as well! Let's be FFXIV FRANDS!

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Tue, 25 Jun 2019 23:30:21 GMT

Short post is short. I took a page out of ai page and pared down my user icons-- the icons I chose to keep are icons that I feel are either..

1.) Defining of me
Or
2.) My best icon work

Which means I kept ALOT of the crack icons-- heh

There are also a few icons that you would have to PRY OUT OF MY COLD DEAD HANDS

My user icon page feels so much lighter. Onto filling it with new icons!

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Mon, 24 Jun 2019 11:39:30 GMT

5 more days until ShadowBringers early access...

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Thu, 20 Jun 2019 01:57:19 GMT

In order to create icons, I have to almost literally explode with feels for a series. My brain is programmed not to react or creat unless synapses are firing--- this is a sad but true fact about me! And if I try, it may turn out like crap because I. Just. Don't. Care.

Caring is my main motivation tbh. Like I care about FFXIV right now so that is what is causing me to 'awwww hell yas'. And coincidentally icons from that game is the ONLY ones that are turning out.

Like this Hauchefant icon... *tear* which reminds me, I am glad aeris pulled me out of hiatus or else THIS ICON WOULD NOT OF BEEN MADE..

God bless the men (and Alisaie) of Eorzea.

Edit: also saw that my Mat icon as well as Hauchefant are side by side and being that my character Mat is in serious crush with him, it is fitting that Hauch should be stared at by Mat for all eternity

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Tue, 18 Jun 2019 11:53:06 GMT

Most people that know me or have been around me long enough have usually come to expect these little sabbaticals-- but I promise this time I am going to check in every so often, just to reassure you guys that I'm fine. with the next FFXIV expac, I've had to really do some catching up with the game-- and thus everything else has been pushed to the wayside-- INCLUDING icons. Not to mention, I've been powering on sheer creativity alone; however it's about time that I did post something here and there-- reactions if you will.

First of all. E3-- FFVII.

Dayum--

Like, I am impressed. Yeah, I do realize that there is a lot of hate about Tifa's breasts (seriously people, what the fuck-- why are we talking about her boobs when we could be talking about the wicked awesome charm bracelet she is wearing in the promo-- I mean really, we have to hash out the boobs forever ad nasuem?) But I just can't wait, though I do not hope that we'll get anything of Yuffie-- sadness. Like, seriously-- needs more theif.

Also, are they even going to complete FFVII in my life? Oh wait, they did already-- So hey, at the very least if I die before it gets completed, I will at least have a preeeetty good idea of how it ended.

Also the FFXIV ShadowBringers bomb that was dropped by Solus voice-- LIKE OH MY GOSH-- I mean deep inside I always suspected, but dammit Solus; way to give voice to thought. I love Solus, he's like my favorite FF villian ever (sorry Kefka, found a new Bae-- I'm sure you understand)

Hopefully y'all are okay!

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Fri, 07 Jun 2019 11:30:33 GMT

So I have been off the radar, but only because Eorzea has consumed me-- and I have been sort of getting into the RP scene for a few of my characters thus hiatus on icons with the occasional postings!

But I made a carrd for one of my Cs on Brynhildr.

Wanderings of a Desert Rose

That took me around 4 days to fully do-- but, not so bad if I don't say so myself.

Now for Mathias Jaevyn, my grump Au'ra.

So psyched for ShadowBringers! You have no clue!

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Thu, 30 May 2019 11:45:29 GMT

So tired...

also trying to get caught up with everything I want before ShadowBringers' launch, so icons is pretty much on hiatus for the time being!

I do love y'all though, just sayin'!

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Sat, 25 May 2019 13:02:05 GMT

So I went to see Aladdin last night--

I went into the movie thinking that it 'may' excrement all over my childhood" and trying to convince myself that it wouldn't 'truly' matter.

Coming out of that movie though, I was completely charmed. Sure, I have things that I don't like about it, like Jafar and I didn't care much for Aladdin. But the very theme of female empowerment that was presented was just so gosh darn amazing, like-- that's how to be a kickass lady right there-- and my worst fear (that Will Smith was gonna try to somehow FILL Robin Williams shoes as the Genie) were entirely UNFOUNDED. Like, a minute into Will Smith's interpretation and I gave a breath of relief that wasn't the case-- he brought something new and awesome to that role that wasn't 'greater' than Robin Williams role but was 'equal' without being 'same'.

And the inclusion and personality fleshing-out of Jasmine's handmaid, Dalia-- I LIVED for that! (easily and hands down my favorite character in the entire movie, I need icons of her and I will MAKE icons of her)

So thank you Disney, for not disappointing me like I feared you would. I left the movie theater with feels-- and then some.

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: random post is random :

Thu, 23 May 2019 11:44:10 GMT

Almost have my set complete for the icons 10 in 20--
Going to see Aladdin tomorrow after husband breaks his fast-- I am prepared for whatever.
There is still the Friends Icon Request going on here, if you want an icon-- you have approximately one week left to participate (that being said, requests at hiraethe are always open)
Bring on the new episode of Fruits Basket tomorrow! Can't wait
I WISH THAT PLAYING A GAY HIGHLANDER IN FFXIV WOULD NOT BRING OUT ALL THE TWINK CATTES, unfortunately they do. Like I had an RP with someone, and they were like "I AM NOT LIKE THE OTHER CATTES! I LIKE STORY AND PLOT" and I am like "YAY!". and then by the end of the RP they were trying to crawl into Kristophe's lap because they were 'in heat'-- STAHP, DO NOT WANT!
Also they got disappointed when I told them that Kris was 24, disappointed because they thought he was older-- WHY DOES THAT EVEN MATTER!?

Okay that was my speed post for the day!

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: an emotional landslide :

Sat, 18 May 2019 13:02:12 GMT

For the most part, I was pretty fking pleased with Detective Pikachu, and Pikachu was just so adorable-- like oh my gosh, how is such cuteness even possible? (yes, I will have an icon of pikachu, I promise)-- and now the next movie to see is Aladdin. Like, I have really mixed feelings about the reboot, I mean I loved the original but when it comes down to it, I'm way more looking forward to Lion King coming out soon-- I will go to Aladdin on principle (it's disney, how can I not?) BUT I guess I will see when I see, I just think it is important to keep a potentially open mind, I may after all enjoy it, just the trailer left me kinda 'meh'-- I didn't say "I AM TOTALLY GOING TO SEE THAT", more like "well I guess I will go see it because it's Disney"

I certainly didn't tear up like I did when I saw the preview for the Lion King.

Can we talk about the "What is Snow"? episode from the new Fruits Baskets episode? Like, I warned my husband that I would cry-- but I didn't quite know how much until yesterday when the water works just started to flow, gosh darn it-- I love Hatori, can't wait to see his story get closure in this new Fruits Basket retelling.

Occasionally my brain will attach to my Chrono Trigger retelling-- the premise is of course Queen Zeal fucking with time, and there are characters that naturally occur-- like Queen Zeal doing everything to make things difficult for her children. It's a cross over in a way as it involves characters from other series that I've managed to intertwine-- but it also involves original characters-- and it involves a highly involved, not very close to reality Magus Zeal (understand this, and quite honestly don't care)-- well okay, well I still consider him in character still as long as he maintains certain key elements like his standoffishness-- but he does have a few close friends that get sucked in to the same temporal vortex as him, because I like to add an aspect of humanity to him). A character that pops up is Cid from FFXIV, because I've taken to pairing him with Schala Zeal-- like, I know that it's totally random BUT IN MY HEAD IT MAKES TOTAL SENSE and that's all that matters right? (besides visually, Cid and Schala would make a very visually stunning couple-- and I'm all about those aesthetics)

And in the past month, two more characters entered the vortex and made it convincing me how they fit into the entire spanning storyline-- like, I guess I used to have a muse town with another person, but I suppose in the interim, this is my way of making my own muse town, of relying on myself.

Alright time to do some grinding in FFXIV now! <3 Hope y'all have a lovely weekend!

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Sat, 11 May 2019 13:53:43 GMT

Sorry for not posting-- due to Ramadan starting, it's been sort of hectic, I've managed to snatch moments here and there to play some video games or create some icons, but I haven't really had anything post worthy-- I still don't, but I just want to assure you all that I still exist outside of my Paint Shop Pro. Finishing up a table for iconprompts and working on a new texture set as well, flower based that will look on icons with dark backgrounds, I've already used them several times in icons (I do test runs on them because I want to make sure that I can effectively use them before I put them out there for general consumption.

I have Ulani so Shadowbringers ready, it's now up to Mat to get him at least past Heavensward and into Stormblood. I am happy to note that the Glamour Dresser will be going up to 400 slots, also-- there was a live letter that was released about the why for the decisions that they made. I'm not mad tbh, but really I love the story so I am going to acknowledge all the decisions that Squareenix has made up to this point, it's not my place to judge what they do with the game. The only thing I ask is that we see more of Maxima because homygosh, is he a hottie-- this means that my trio of power is Cid, Hauchefant and now Maxima.

Cid hits upon my white haired fetish + facial hair
Hauchefant gets my elezen fetish + white blue hair
Maxima rounds it up with elezen + glasses

Rabu-fucking-rabu goes my heart.

I hope y'all have been doing most excellent. As usual, I have my May Icon Request Post for Friends which will be open until.. you've guessed it, the 31st of May. There is still time to request some icons, if you're brave with the fact that I could create absolutely ANYTHING. Icon making for me is like putting random things in blenders, I never know what the finished product will be.. lol.

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: FUN MEME ALERT FUN MEME ALERT

Thu, 09 May 2019 11:27:51 GMT

Taken from krait who took it from krait who took it from sylvaine. Seriously I love these things!

"Comment with your interpretation of my default icon! What am I saying about myself that I might not know?"

THERE ARE NO WRONG ANSWERS, PEOPLE!

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Mon, 06 May 2019 23:50:40 GMT

I tried to make an icon of my FFXIV character, Mat-- however it's horrible and I really did pick the WRONG background to pose it against, it turned out too sepia.. so now I HAVE TO SCREENCAPTURE HIM SOME MORE!

Well hell-- I hate it when a shitty background ruins my photo op.

Also maybe it's Mat's fault, he's a grumpy-puss.

Ulani might be chaotic evil and a bit sadistic, but at least she takes good pictures for icons.

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