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alwaysbeenasmilerI wanted to use that Fei Fong Wong icon I made for one of the challenge communities (I don't remember what it was, you can find a link to the community at ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
hiraethe however I realized something that shouldn't of surprised me. I am still bitter. I am not going to say that the character was ruined for me, but I've figured out that it's obvious that I still haven't let a lot of things go with my ex-girlfriend. In the deepest darkest part of me, just looking at Fei hurts just a little bit-- The thing is that I can look at Sigurd and be just fine, I can seperate him as a character from that of my ex girlfriend. Fei, however-- there is no seperating it.
Perhaps it is because in Xenogears, I wasn't a big fan of his character. In fact of the lineup, he is my least favorite-- yes I even liked Chu Chu before I really thought of him. Being the main character in a game, that is quite a bit to dislike, and yes I had my favorite characters. (I am looking at you, Citan). But my ex girlfriend actually made me like the character-- even though she will probably go on about how I never really liked Fei, I did-- I just wasn't as effusive about it as I am about my all time favorite characters. (I cannot even say that I feel this way about Yuri from Tales of Vesperia, as I approached him from a neutral standpoint as I hadn't played the game before my ex-girlfriend)
So I looked at Fei and I was reminded of all the things that I didn't like about him-- and her.
This isn't healthy, I know--
And it isn't the characters fault-- I realize that, sometimes I guess it's just the memories that are caught up in that character that makes it harder to seperate character from person and it's just easier for me to use him as a personal effigy-- maybe one day I will let it go, after all, I am happy-- I am married to my best friend (for realz!) and while my work life leaves much to be desired-- I come home and have books to read, video games to play and a husband that understands that I need mental stimulation and so doesn't worry if I am on video games for hours at a time or will wander off to lounge in the bath and read a book-- he is understanding and doesn't want to put anything over my shine.
I am taking a break fromfandom10in30 this round, I got my feet wet and got to challenge myself, however I can't spread myself too thin. (Also, Project Octopath Traveler for the win, such a great game!)
hiraethe however I realized something that shouldn't of surprised me. I am still bitter. I am not going to say that the character was ruined for me, but I've figured out that it's obvious that I still haven't let a lot of things go with my ex-girlfriend. In the deepest darkest part of me, just looking at Fei hurts just a little bit-- The thing is that I can look at Sigurd and be just fine, I can seperate him as a character from that of my ex girlfriend. Fei, however-- there is no seperating it.Perhaps it is because in Xenogears, I wasn't a big fan of his character. In fact of the lineup, he is my least favorite-- yes I even liked Chu Chu before I really thought of him. Being the main character in a game, that is quite a bit to dislike, and yes I had my favorite characters. (I am looking at you, Citan). But my ex girlfriend actually made me like the character-- even though she will probably go on about how I never really liked Fei, I did-- I just wasn't as effusive about it as I am about my all time favorite characters. (I cannot even say that I feel this way about Yuri from Tales of Vesperia, as I approached him from a neutral standpoint as I hadn't played the game before my ex-girlfriend)
So I looked at Fei and I was reminded of all the things that I didn't like about him-- and her.
This isn't healthy, I know--
And it isn't the characters fault-- I realize that, sometimes I guess it's just the memories that are caught up in that character that makes it harder to seperate character from person and it's just easier for me to use him as a personal effigy-- maybe one day I will let it go, after all, I am happy-- I am married to my best friend (for realz!) and while my work life leaves much to be desired-- I come home and have books to read, video games to play and a husband that understands that I need mental stimulation and so doesn't worry if I am on video games for hours at a time or will wander off to lounge in the bath and read a book-- he is understanding and doesn't want to put anything over my shine.
I am taking a break from
fandom10in30 this round, I got my feet wet and got to challenge myself, however I can't spread myself too thin. (Also, Project Octopath Traveler for the win, such a great game!)
(no subject)
20/7/18 09:59 (UTC)