: fic: Xenogears- Sigurd's Letter to Hyuga :

[alwaysbeenasmiler]

title: Sigurd's Letter
prompt: Love Letters from lands_of_magic
fandom: Xenogears
pairing: Sigurd/Hyuga Ricdeau(Citan Uzuki)
notes: Sometimes it's nice revisiting a fandom-- it's like a warm blanket



In Sigurd's room in the Yggsdrasil, there is a little casket-- perhaps a bit worn from the years, the iron having frayed at the edges with each passing year and through each subsequent sandstorm. In that casket there were little odd's and ends collected from various locales on the surface, a emerald marble found on one of the isles of Aquavy, a empty ale bottle from an underground tavern in Bledavik that had been the first taste of freedom from months of running, a rosary given to him by one of the good sisters of Nisan as a talismen of luck. At the bottom though, wrapped in a scarf of silk, there was another far more precious treasure to him, a curling lock of dark hair that was tied with a delicate crimson ribbon and underneath that-- a yellowing, sand-scarred letter that was never sent.

My dearest Hyu,

Does anyone call you that anymore? I suppose it's Hyuga still to most everyone you meet now that Jesiah and I have left-- no one ever dared call you any different, you always held yourself apart from everyone else with impeccable manners, yet I'll never forget those wild eyes of yours-- as if you were challenging anyone to call you any less then what you were capable of. Really, I was the lucky one allowed to give you your first nickname-- even if I was kinda rip roaring drunk at the time and you were only doing me a favor by carrying me back to our dorms.

How is the weather up there? Oh, that's a really really stupid question, I know-- the weather is the same as it always is-- shining and full of limitless clouds, they were what possibility looked like, weren't they? Being able to sit there on the edge and look out with you while contemplating our future still remains one of my most fondest memories. I often look up at the sky out here, but it's not the same. The clouds are not as close, and neither are you-- there's distance and space, and even time between us, a great unknowing of what you've done or where you've been over the past 5 years.

It's not an ache that hurts-- okay, well it's a dull throb that centers right in my stomach and I can feel the vibrations to the bottom of my heart were it wants to creep in, I'm sure you'd explain this far better than I-- you always were the 'wordy' one of our group. And I don't cry no more anymore, I did when I first left Solaris-- I knew I had to do it, but leaving you was one of the hardest decisions I ever made, it was uncomfortable and for months I didn't a steady bed to sleep in, it made me think of mornings waking up in bed next to you, with your face pressed against my neck and your arm draped over me. In those moments you looked like what I'd imagine my guardian angel to look like if I had one; one who kept me out of trouble and from drinking too much the night before-- holding you was what made those -Drive- withdrawals bearable, and no matter how hard I seemed to squeeze, you never complained.

There have been others... y'know I'm honest like that. I wouldn't even fault you if there were others up there where you are now, I would actually be disappointed if no one recognized the wonderful jewel that you are, I just hope they manage to drag you out to have a little fun now and again-- it's not healthy to have your nose stuck in a book like that all the time. Sadly, I've not found anyone like you-- if I had, I probably would of kept them around, I guess you're just a tough act to follow, Hyu.

I'm alright, I just want you to know that. Life has gotten better, we actually have a home base now and I can be assured that the bed that I sleep on tonight will be the bed I sleep on tomorrow and maybe even for the next long while. My life is kept busy chasing after my half-brother Bart and keeping him out of trouble (don't laugh, Hyu-- I know you want to). Hey, I even have a routine so I can't complain about that, it keeps me busy and it keeps me from sitting in a dark bar thinking of you. I never thought purpose could be so theraputic, and it keeps doing my soul good even after all these years.

Please be well, Hyu-- if not for your own sake then at least my own. Also please know that I still love you and I remember you with each passing cloud that travels through the skies and no matter what happens, what life throws at me, I will always have a space in my heart that is just yours.

Love, Sigurd

Comments

[breyzyyin]

This was such a good fic! I love your description in the beginning: I totally envision the casket and finding the letter within.

t's not an ache that hurts-- okay, well it's a dull throb that centers right in my stomach and I can feel the vibrations to the bottom of my heart were it wants to creep in
~I could also totally envision what Sigurd is describing there. Beautiful! I also love how Sigurd is being honest to Hyu about everything, and ending it on there's a space in Sigurd's heart just for Hyu was such a sweet touch. Great job!

[alwaysbeenasmiler]

I wanted to convey that almost hollowness that kind of hurts but doesn't. Its like when someone has been out of your very long time and you are used to it but it sorta wants to.. I guess ghost hurt?

[alwaysbeenasmiler]

Also thank you! I am glad you enjoyed the fic!letter

[breyzyyin]

I think you described it perfectly!

[alterimpulse]

AWWWWWWWWW. I love this so much :) Again, I can't believe I didn't see the posts. Shame on me for not checking Dreamwidth unless I am posting, haha

[alwaysbeenasmiler]

No worries! Thank you for reading and glad you enjoyed