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alwaysbeenasmilerIt's been hectic at work-- well Monday was hectic and it took me a long time to actually get mentally prepared. Then when I had a few moments on Tuesday and Wednesday, all I wanted to do was play with shapes and colours in photoshop, read and take baths. However it's Thursday and I've cleared the worst of the week.
As y'all know, I covered a different department. Mondays are always bad, and Mondays with no real practical experience by myself was doubly 'the suck'. However I got through it (no thanks to the 16 hour day that I pulled, argh-- overtime is gonna be a-ok next paycheck). And then each day has been progressively better and I actually know what to look for. Yeah, Flow is a different beast (and the Flow girls are predominately VERY bitchy and cat-fighty-- whereas LTL are full of Nerds and Atheists, which is pretty much my cup of tea) but I have found I can handle it.
I have been also thinking of things that I need to 'reclaim' for myself. Things that I wrapped up in other people, which is why I want to remake a Jin Uzuki icon, maybe a Sigurd Harcourt icon as well (Xenogears). But moderation, so I won't be making 50 of them (hello Shitan, I am looking at you-- and yes, I only have one icon of him because 'repeat after me:' Moderation.) I know I have an obsessive personality, and it is a struggle for me trying to find that balance between enjoying a series and 'living', 'breathing', 'snorting it up my nose like the next hit'. Because I don't want to lose myself-- because I've done that before, I've lost friends, I've lost people close to me, I've invested too much in fandom where once the rug is pulled out, it's like a fish trying to breath on the shore.
It took me around 20 fucking years to learn that goddamn lesson, and I'm not going back now.
But I also remember the joy I felt-- the giddy squeal of a shipper, the feeling of Christmas when I found art of my favorite characters. It is all about taking small bites as opposed to gorging myself until I am sick. Maybe making icons of characters that I liked in the past will help me remember that I don't need to cut off my arm to spite my face.
I can enjoy characters-- but I can't let myself obsess over them, I can't let their identities overshadow my own.
Wow, maybe I should have a tag titled "lessons I've learned"-- ahahahahaha
As y'all know, I covered a different department. Mondays are always bad, and Mondays with no real practical experience by myself was doubly 'the suck'. However I got through it (no thanks to the 16 hour day that I pulled, argh-- overtime is gonna be a-ok next paycheck). And then each day has been progressively better and I actually know what to look for. Yeah, Flow is a different beast (and the Flow girls are predominately VERY bitchy and cat-fighty-- whereas LTL are full of Nerds and Atheists, which is pretty much my cup of tea) but I have found I can handle it.
I have been also thinking of things that I need to 'reclaim' for myself. Things that I wrapped up in other people, which is why I want to remake a Jin Uzuki icon, maybe a Sigurd Harcourt icon as well (Xenogears). But moderation, so I won't be making 50 of them (hello Shitan, I am looking at you-- and yes, I only have one icon of him because 'repeat after me:' Moderation.) I know I have an obsessive personality, and it is a struggle for me trying to find that balance between enjoying a series and 'living', 'breathing', 'snorting it up my nose like the next hit'. Because I don't want to lose myself-- because I've done that before, I've lost friends, I've lost people close to me, I've invested too much in fandom where once the rug is pulled out, it's like a fish trying to breath on the shore.
It took me around 20 fucking years to learn that goddamn lesson, and I'm not going back now.
But I also remember the joy I felt-- the giddy squeal of a shipper, the feeling of Christmas when I found art of my favorite characters. It is all about taking small bites as opposed to gorging myself until I am sick. Maybe making icons of characters that I liked in the past will help me remember that I don't need to cut off my arm to spite my face.
I can enjoy characters-- but I can't let myself obsess over them, I can't let their identities overshadow my own.
Wow, maybe I should have a tag titled "lessons I've learned"-- ahahahahaha
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4/5/18 14:21 (UTC)