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alwaysbeenasmilerI have been tossing around the idea of choosing a new default icon.
Not that I will actually go through with it but there are certain characters that just define you. I have had characters that have defined me, but those characters have also been linked to people I have RPed with. Ukitake, Hyuga/Citan (Xenogears), Jin (Xenosaga), Eshild, Cecil, Raven; all of those characters I have RPed as, have been in storylines with them. Had their hearts tied up with mine own. It's hard after 10 + years to differentiate yourself from fantasy.
Though I did succeed-- too well, I might add.
I tried to RP, to branch out.. those forays never lasted very long. Maybe final nail on the coffin, maybe I will return one day. But maybe when I'm old and all I really have IS a fantasy world. Thank you Jennie for that important lesson, that fantasy isn't everything. That what matters is the here and now, what is before you. Oh yes, I still have the stories I paint inside my head-- I always go back to the Chrono Trigger fanfiction that I write inside my head but it's a solo project and has only ever involved me-- those characters are tied up only in my vested self interest.
Which brings me to the Laguna icon, he's always defined me in an inexplicable way. I've RPed him, but I've always been able to go back from him, to retain my own sense of self. I don't have any regrets tied up in him-- no bitter ex-lovers (The person I RPed him with was one of those people who was a good friend but really nothing more, I was able to retain my inner core, walk away from him to come back to the real world. And yet his core values are like mine, ENFP to a fault. (Extrovert without really being an extrovert, that's how I've always seen Laguna as being.) Also a survivor, and a winner-- someone who could circumvent his situation to look at the best in himself, in others and in humanity as a whole.
And when I first set him as default, I was coming out of a relationship that was nothing sort of catastrophic to my sense of self. It was losing my identity over the course of 7 years only to have to find myself all over again. (It's safe to say that with my whole relationship with Owen, he's fostered my sense of self, he's brought out the absolute best in me and has never once encouraged me to squash my self for the greater good of the coupledom, he has never once said "Why are you doing these things, they are tearing us a part". He knows perfectly well that me watching shows that he doesn't watch doesn't detract from our coupledom, but rather gives me something to prattle about, and him to effectively indulge my need to prattle.) I needed Laguna as an icon of what I needed at the time.
However it's been six years and perhaps I need a new icon-- not in the image variety, but another one to look up to. Laguna was a great teacher, an awesome symbol with which to move forward with-- so maybe now is the time for thought and reflection, to try on a few new shoes and see what fits best.
Of course this only prompted thought because damn photobucket deleted my friend's open picture. *shakes fist at Photobucket*
Don't worry, I'll deal with Photobucket eventually.
Thank y'all for letting me ramble.
Not that I will actually go through with it but there are certain characters that just define you. I have had characters that have defined me, but those characters have also been linked to people I have RPed with. Ukitake, Hyuga/Citan (Xenogears), Jin (Xenosaga), Eshild, Cecil, Raven; all of those characters I have RPed as, have been in storylines with them. Had their hearts tied up with mine own. It's hard after 10 + years to differentiate yourself from fantasy.
Though I did succeed-- too well, I might add.
I tried to RP, to branch out.. those forays never lasted very long. Maybe final nail on the coffin, maybe I will return one day. But maybe when I'm old and all I really have IS a fantasy world. Thank you Jennie for that important lesson, that fantasy isn't everything. That what matters is the here and now, what is before you. Oh yes, I still have the stories I paint inside my head-- I always go back to the Chrono Trigger fanfiction that I write inside my head but it's a solo project and has only ever involved me-- those characters are tied up only in my vested self interest.
Which brings me to the Laguna icon, he's always defined me in an inexplicable way. I've RPed him, but I've always been able to go back from him, to retain my own sense of self. I don't have any regrets tied up in him-- no bitter ex-lovers (The person I RPed him with was one of those people who was a good friend but really nothing more, I was able to retain my inner core, walk away from him to come back to the real world. And yet his core values are like mine, ENFP to a fault. (Extrovert without really being an extrovert, that's how I've always seen Laguna as being.) Also a survivor, and a winner-- someone who could circumvent his situation to look at the best in himself, in others and in humanity as a whole.
And when I first set him as default, I was coming out of a relationship that was nothing sort of catastrophic to my sense of self. It was losing my identity over the course of 7 years only to have to find myself all over again. (It's safe to say that with my whole relationship with Owen, he's fostered my sense of self, he's brought out the absolute best in me and has never once encouraged me to squash my self for the greater good of the coupledom, he has never once said "Why are you doing these things, they are tearing us a part". He knows perfectly well that me watching shows that he doesn't watch doesn't detract from our coupledom, but rather gives me something to prattle about, and him to effectively indulge my need to prattle.) I needed Laguna as an icon of what I needed at the time.
However it's been six years and perhaps I need a new icon-- not in the image variety, but another one to look up to. Laguna was a great teacher, an awesome symbol with which to move forward with-- so maybe now is the time for thought and reflection, to try on a few new shoes and see what fits best.
Of course this only prompted thought because damn photobucket deleted my friend's open picture. *shakes fist at Photobucket*
Don't worry, I'll deal with Photobucket eventually.
Thank y'all for letting me ramble.
(no subject)
16/4/18 01:06 (UTC)~Orz, Photobucket! It took me hours to get our moodtheme off of there. Odd thing is, if you log in...the images are still there. They just don't show up for anyone else to see outside of when you log in to your account (so, basically pay a bunch of money to show your images to others: no thank you!). :/