Healing comes-- eventually

[alwaysbeenasmiler]

FFX-2 is a really tricky thing for me, I loved the game when I first played it. But somewhere a long the way, things happened and drama exploded and it was just a series that I buried-- dead and gone. People that I associated with the game, things that I was reminded of. Never in the life of Nia have I ever had a breakup that justified me deciding that an entire game was dead and buried. (7 year relationship that at it's basis was Xenogears, nope-- still love that game and won't give it up even though I am not gung-ho fanatical about it at this stage in my life). But there was this girl, this psychotic girl who called herself the "Deathseeker" and I fell in with her brand of psychoticness. I don't even know how bad it went since it was one of those LONG DISTANCE THINGS and I had no clue about her except what she told me.

But she went batshit crazy-- even faked her own death in order to get away from me (or something). Let me tell you, I have a low opinion of people who fake their own death especially online. (if somehow, you want an example of the sheer ammount of crazy-- here is her HI I AM NOT DEAD SUCKERS letter to the world. I can't even begin to make up shit like that.

We RPed Baralai and Nooj, and let me tell you-- once that relationship was over and done with, I pretty much shoved Baralai muse into an open coffin and shut it tightly, because it was a reminder of a weak point in my life. (and I must of been weak in order to have been so DUPED by that, blinded actually might be a better word). But today I was listening to my music while working and without thinking about it, I heard a song and went "That's Baralai to a T"

Which surprised the ever loving fuck out of me and caused me to re-evaluate my life. And I thought to myself-- is it possible that perhaps I have gotten over that travesty, I've finally reached a point where those memories are just stupid and idiotic? I was 24 at the time and I think perhaps the statue of limitations has gone up over that, but it left me relieved, not because I thought about a character that I had buried but because well-- there's just something cleansing about being able to think about something that previous-to had been able to bring putrid bile to the back of my throat and go, "Well okay, I think I can think about that now and just feel nostalgia-- no revulsion, nothing"

So perhaps I may make an icon, a sort of little remembrance of him, but I don't know-- it's just nice to have a nice little piece of clarity in the here and now.

On an un-related note-- OWEN AND I CLOSE ON OUR HOUSE ON THE 23rd!!! Which means that for a few weeks, I'll probably be without internet, which is all fine and good, I'll be busy anyways! But yes, super excited to move into our home and I will be able to pester Owen ALL THE TIME! (he's so happy lol)

Comments

[rionaleonhart]

Congratulations on the house!

I'm sort of awed by that HI I'M NOT DEAD SUCKERS letter. Holy crap. It's the strangest, most vicious thing I've read in a very long time. I'm very sorry you had to go through that, but I'm glad you can start to enjoy Final Fantasy X-2 again.

[alwaysbeenasmiler]

Yeah, that letter was just-- ahahahah,

Also Owen and I are almost done with Terrace House: Boys and Girls in the City.

AND YES, I CRIED WHEN HANSAN LEFT. OMG AN ANGEL AMONG MEN!

I was like "WHO IS GOING TO FORCE THEM TO HAVE HOUSE MEETINGS NOW? EVERYTHING WILL GO TO HELL!"

[commoncomitatus]

Youch, that's a heck of a letter.

That said, it's always quite freeing to get enough distance from something like that and finally be able to enjoy the things you did back then. I'm glad you feel like you might be getting there with X-2.

[alwaysbeenasmiler]

And while my ex girlfriend was slightly nuts, passive aggressive and insecure-- she had never ever in all the months of our relationship achieved THAT level of cray cray. so there's that.

[rocket_to_neptune]

So weird! Faking your own death is bizarre right from the get-go, especially online, but that "letter" is also nuts.

Yay! New house! New house! Ha.

[alwaysbeenasmiler]

Whenever I have an inkling that I may be nuts, I refer to that letter-- which reminds me that yes, I am still very much sane

[breyzyyin]

...Woah. O_o Someone faking their own death online is bad enough, but that "letter" another level all by itself. That's awful! I'm really sorry you had to deal with that at all, but I'm happy to hear that you're getting clarity and moving past all of that and maybe even get back into enjoying stuff you had associated with those past times (and I hope that you might find it cathartic to enjoy FFX-2 again). *hugs*

~Oh, congrats to you and Owen on the new house! ♥

[alwaysbeenasmiler]

Well I did make a Baralai icon last night since I was inspired-- and it actually came out pretty good!

[paynesgrey]

Yah for house closures! Good luck with everything.

And holy wow, that person is crazycakes. I am gobsmacked by that entry. I can't believe people are like that. Well I can, I was in the anime fandom for awhile, but still. What does this behavior really solve?
I'm sure you're glad to be no longer dealing with that person.

[bonnefois]

I'm glad you've found a point in your life where you can look back on painful times and still be able to reclaim something you lost due to being tainted by a toxic person.

Congrats on the house, too.

[singloom]

Wow. That letter is something else. I'm sorry you went through that and the experience affected something you would otherwise enjoy, but I'm glad you are finding enjoyment in it again, even if it's the small things. I quite enjoyed FFX-2 myself.

[kaleidodope]

I remember back in the day people used to fake their own death all the damn time it made me so cynical when people actually died.

[lassarina]

Congrats on house!

[dorchadas]

That letter reminds me of the "good" old days of LJDrama.

But hooray for joining the propertied class!

[ideallyqualia]

I read the letter, and ouch. She made it sound like faking her death made sense and was the logical choice, but that was so cowardly. That's the worst way to break up that I can think of.