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alwaysbeenasmilerI did all my in-processing for my new job. I am still at my old job, but for 8 more days and so it's been hours upon hours of nostalgia coming back to me. There is part of me that doesn't want to move on, but deep inside I know that it will be good for me, I will learn something new and I will have a chance to refresh and heal all of the hurt and anger I feel on a daily basis. I remember being so optimistic with this job but I feel like "Paris" tried to push too much responsibility on me too fast, be it covering for other areas when I wasn't even certain of my own job and role, or covering up for new people when they made mistakes (and continually covering up for them after the 3rd, 4th and yes even 10th time), and with me barely 9 months into my role.
It is like being in a toxic and abusive relationship, you think that maybe it will go back to how it was at the beginning-- but deep inside you know that it won't. That is why I held on through the summer, because I thought it would. And if people are disappointed in me, well what can I do? I know that I tried my best and there are so many people who don't blame me.
When I came to the company 4 years ago, I was ready for a change and it was a welcome change. I met the man that would become my husband here, I have people that I have inside jokes with. Much like with any place you work, you build a sense of family-- dysfunctional or not. The vacations are nice but I won't miss the four weeks every year, because when it comes down to it, with 4 hours of overtime per day for like the past nine months, it's like the vacation time really is just a drop in the bucket and doesn't do anything but remind you that your time here is truly horrible and soul sucking.
Objectively, I have to think about my future. I want immediate change, I need immediate change and I do not feel like I will get that here. This place has already broken my soul and I need some way to get out of there, some relief in sight.
Soon.. soon.
It is like being in a toxic and abusive relationship, you think that maybe it will go back to how it was at the beginning-- but deep inside you know that it won't. That is why I held on through the summer, because I thought it would. And if people are disappointed in me, well what can I do? I know that I tried my best and there are so many people who don't blame me.
When I came to the company 4 years ago, I was ready for a change and it was a welcome change. I met the man that would become my husband here, I have people that I have inside jokes with. Much like with any place you work, you build a sense of family-- dysfunctional or not. The vacations are nice but I won't miss the four weeks every year, because when it comes down to it, with 4 hours of overtime per day for like the past nine months, it's like the vacation time really is just a drop in the bucket and doesn't do anything but remind you that your time here is truly horrible and soul sucking.
Objectively, I have to think about my future. I want immediate change, I need immediate change and I do not feel like I will get that here. This place has already broken my soul and I need some way to get out of there, some relief in sight.
Soon.. soon.