: End of May-- Ask Me Anything! :

[alwaysbeenasmiler]

Heya everyone! As we near the end of May, I am going to open up the floor for an ASK ME ANYTHING.

Anything you are remotely curious about-- involving fandom, RL, favorite characters, songs, pairings, hobbies-- my life is an open book. I will answer it to the best of my knowledge-- And hey! Do the same in your journal, so myself and your friends can ask you questions! Let's get to know each other-- everyone!

Comments

[alwaysbeenasmiler]

Oh don't worry-- this isn't too personal at all. And it's tricky, it really is-- when I defaulted to lesbian, I thought that was without a shadow of doubt what I wanted, a relationship with a woman-- and then I got it, I got a relationship with a woman and I was in that relationship with that same woman for around 7 years. When I came out of it, I was almost born again in how I felt-- as if I was about ready for a grand transformation. I promised myself that I wouldn't limit myself. In that time, I went out with several women, and a few men. Then I decided to just sink into the relationship that just felt right, certain. That relationship just happened to be with a guy. I still identify as bisexual but I've realized that sexuality is a little bit more fluid, so maybe I am fluidsexual.

There's no denying that I went through a really bad breakup, but I wanted something totally unlike what I had-- most especially in feeling.

The pros-- is that I'm not confined to one gender, I go on personality and my personal chemistry with them
I feel like I'm being more true to me, and the label bisexual can switch both ways-- because it's safe to say that I am bisexual, that I can enjoy men's
company as well as women's.

The cons-- people invariably have accused me of being wishy-washy (the whole 'make up your fucking mind' type of statements)
When you come out a female/female relationship with an openness to female/male-- there will be a mark on your back. Immediately when I did-- all the
single straight guys I knew ran a competition to see who could get me first-- which was a singular douchebaggy thing to do. I was like a rare beast that
they felt needed to be hunted.

Ultimately it is how comfortable one is-- and anyone in my personal life who doesn't get that can go fudge themselves. (especially my dad who's been on the record saying that I am straight again-- nope; he doesn't get to say that.

[killertofuuu]

That was awesome of you to share, and I'd like to weigh in if I may. Although I stand firmly in the "please don't label me" camp when it comes to gender and sexuality, I tend to flutter between bi and ace, I think, and I'm willing to bet my medication/mental illness has a strong hand in it, because right now I'm so sexually dead inside, but I have been fiercely attracted to both men and women in my life, moreso when I was a teenager than anything.

I do feel guilt at times, because on the surface I appear to be straight, but I get so anxious discussing sexuality IRL that I avoid it outright. If someone tells me that I'm straight, or that I'm a lesbian, I find that those are the only two labels I can refute as bad fits for me, but I won't argue with bi, pan, demi, or ace. As for gender, I'm fine with female or neutral pronouns. I feel like I'm the type of person that can attract both sexes equally, but I'm marrying a guy, not because he's a guy, but because he's a friend I've connected with very deeply.

Also, there are times I feel like I can't define my sexuality clearly because I've never had a relationship with another female beyond friendship. I've never even kissed one. I've been attracted to them, but I never went for it. I don't regret it, though, because I'm very prickly about dating and meeting new people (VERY introverted IRL), so that had a big hand in it.

my dad who's been on the record saying that I am straight again-- nope; he doesn't get to say that.

I think I can understand that. When I was in high school, my mom pushed me a bit to come out as a lesbian under "it's all right if you are, I support you", which I was not and never was, though in a way I still appreciate the sentiment and know I'd be lucky for it if I was a lesbian. She thought this because I was part of the GSA and felt very passionately about LGBT+ issues, and I still do today. Still, she's a Baby Boomer. It's impressive she even acknowledges that gay and lesbian is a thing. She vaguely acknowledges that trans is a thing, but I think she mixes it up with gay/lesbian still. I don't think she knows that bi is a thing, though, and sometimes I wonder what she makes of the fact that I've been with my SO for six years and not once have I gotten pregnant, or even risked becoming pregnant (ace leaning + vaginismus = so much no right now.)

[alwaysbeenasmiler]

Well, honestly my boyfriend is asexual as well-- highly romantic, but still has very little interest in sex-- while I am interested in sex, it isn't all consuming and pretty much it is just another expression of love for him. So I understand that whole little bit, as there are times when being in a relationship-- you just want that connection-- mental connection. I think in those sort of instances, all I've ever really wanted was that deep connection and trust-- of someone who truly gets me. I got it with Jennie to a point, though after a while-- she ended up trying to make me into something I am not.

Owen though, that connection is precious, it's a connection I've never precisely felt-- it is just easy to be with him, to be in love with him-- there is very little fighting, there is just us as we go through life-- living it

I hope your mom understands that you are just doing you-- and that is all that you should be expected to do. My father, well he's like majorly oblivious to the fact that LGBT exists, and if they do-- they are sinners. My entire family is like that which is why I just never associate with them. Ugh.

[bonnefois]

Hey, thanks for sharing your story. I hadn't heard as much as the (rather gross!) side of men being creepy like that, (though it makes sense considering bi women have a 65% abuse ratio and the whole gross fetishizing f/f relationships and etc) but I'd heard a lot of "all my lesbian friends basically disowned me as a traitor and now I can't go anywhere in the LGBT+ community without feeling like a pariah" stories.

Considering that I've dated nothing but bi girls since changing orientations (not by design, just that's who was interested in me) and my friends are mostly bi, plus I'm not really out to anyone I know who was straight, I didn't have much change in that regard.

Probably the biggest change for me (and hardest aspect) was when I changed, I began to realize some of the uglier sides of the LGBT+ community that I hadn't seen before. That's what I'm personally dealing with most of all, and the biggest mourning point for me. I've actually had to pull out of some parts of fandom and LGBT+ areas because they're filled with a rather hostile sub group of lesbian or gay people who hate other parts of the LGBT+ very vocally, and it was really harming my mental health.

It's kind of hard to talk about because that same vocal sub group will call any kind of criticism homophobia. I've even had to see the jar-droppingly awful thing of a gay black man calling out racism in the LGBT+ community, only to be accused of homophobia and many white gay men wishing homophobic violence on him, and seen it with white lesbians talking about things like racism/biphobia/transphobia in the LGBT+ community and getting tons of bully and "you just hate lesbians!" in response, to an open lesbian.

I feel really "get off my side!" a lot of the time these days.

[alwaysbeenasmiler]

Oh gods, I am so sorry you had to see that-- honestly I have no words. I never really was a part of any LGBT+-group when I was a lesbian-- so I really didn't focus on the group as individual subgroups, but it makes sense that there would be division amongst them. But I am glad that you were able to divorce/distance yourself from the negative parts of the group, especially when you take in account, that the LGBT+ group should always be about inclusion and acceptance. In a world where that group is rained down upon with violence/hate/bigotry, I cannot see where one would want to have division within it's ranks, but rather all banding together for a common goal, and that is to fight outside hate and homophobia

I think that is the one thing I love about my boyfriend, he is muslim but he is accepting of the LGBT group, him and all of his muslim friends are very accepting and loving to all groups of people-- he has a Fairness Org bumper on his sticker just as I do. He told me it is because he knows what it feels like to be villified and marginalized.

*hugs* Well you know, if you ever need to talk-- I'm down and my ear is always open to you! After all we've been friends for a VERY LONG TIME!

[bonnefois]

Well, I'm trying and I'm still kind of bitter. Right now I'm just kind of hanging on my own and avoiding most LGBT spaces and just focusing on myself. One day I won't be angry about everything that happened, but it's going to take a lot of time to get there. So I'm just healing.

My current gf is so anti-social I doubt things like being treated poorly at pride would be a problem considering she never wants to go out and be near people, lol.

I'm glad you found someone who you really click with! He sounds very nice. We've been livejournal/DW friends long enough that I remember some more trying times for you, so it's good to see happier times.