Jun. 14th, 2017

alwaysbeenasmiler: (Asbel☆I don't know where to start)
FFX-2 is a really tricky thing for me, I loved the game when I first played it. But somewhere a long the way, things happened and drama exploded and it was just a series that I buried-- dead and gone. People that I associated with the game, things that I was reminded of. Never in the life of Nia have I ever had a breakup that justified me deciding that an entire game was dead and buried. (7 year relationship that at it's basis was Xenogears, nope-- still love that game and won't give it up even though I am not gung-ho fanatical about it at this stage in my life). But there was this girl, this psychotic girl who called herself the "Deathseeker" and I fell in with her brand of psychoticness. I don't even know how bad it went since it was one of those LONG DISTANCE THINGS and I had no clue about her except what she told me.

But she went batshit crazy-- even faked her own death in order to get away from me (or something). Let me tell you, I have a low opinion of people who fake their own death especially online. (if somehow, you want an example of the sheer ammount of crazy-- here is her HI I AM NOT DEAD SUCKERS letter to the world. I can't even begin to make up shit like that.

We RPed Baralai and Nooj, and let me tell you-- once that relationship was over and done with, I pretty much shoved Baralai muse into an open coffin and shut it tightly, because it was a reminder of a weak point in my life. (and I must of been weak in order to have been so DUPED by that, blinded actually might be a better word). But today I was listening to my music while working and without thinking about it, I heard a song and went "That's Baralai to a T"

Which surprised the ever loving fuck out of me and caused me to re-evaluate my life. And I thought to myself-- is it possible that perhaps I have gotten over that travesty, I've finally reached a point where those memories are just stupid and idiotic? I was 24 at the time and I think perhaps the statue of limitations has gone up over that, but it left me relieved, not because I thought about a character that I had buried but because well-- there's just something cleansing about being able to think about something that previous-to had been able to bring putrid bile to the back of my throat and go, "Well okay, I think I can think about that now and just feel nostalgia-- no revulsion, nothing"

So perhaps I may make an icon, a sort of little remembrance of him, but I don't know-- it's just nice to have a nice little piece of clarity in the here and now.

On an un-related note-- OWEN AND I CLOSE ON OUR HOUSE ON THE 23rd!!! Which means that for a few weeks, I'll probably be without internet, which is all fine and good, I'll be busy anyways! But yes, super excited to move into our home and I will be able to pester Owen ALL THE TIME! (he's so happy lol)

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Nia

July 2017

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