alwaysbeenasmiler: (Laguna☆We became the parade)
 photo lagunabanner.png

"When it's night, I like to be the light that's missing,
And remind you every minute that the future isn't written..not yet."

-"Everything is Sound" by Jason Mraz
alwaysbeenasmiler: (Kurogane☆No fire where I)
Well luckily I have some sleepytime tea that I'm nursing so perhaps I've let go of my rage just a little bit.

I work with a few very difficult people and normally I have my boyfriend to act as my support. At work we are seriously an army of two-- we form a united front and if one pisses one of us off, we take up arms for the other. But well there are a few people that not even my boyfriend can quell-- among them Michael Stalcup (for all of you people who were around 3 years ago-- you will remember that name, it's synonymous with DOUCHEBAG.) and then there is Mariah.

To describe Mariah would be-- imagine if Dolores Umbridge (of Harry Potter fame) was a REAL LIVE PERSON.

When I first met her, I thought she was the sweetest little old lady and then my boyfriend (who wasn't my boyfriend at the time) told me that she'd probably try to carve lines into my hand if she could get away with it. I was sceptical-- until she showed her true colours-- it was over something stupid but she was being viciously mean and petty over it. There was a year where she wasn't actually that bad, but here lately she's been extra 'throw me in the sea and watch me float' salty.

We have this big trash receptacle in the middle of our picking area, we also have another one that is out in po-dunk ICS. When Fresenius has to get all the cording and stuff off the product, we take it to the nearest trash container. It makes sense, right? We aren't totally flakes, we do take out our own trash because well that's the decent thing to do. Well last week Owen threw some of the Fresenius trash in the central area, and Mariah goes "Take out the trash to the OTHER area-- your trash container" (referring to po-dunk). Owen says he'll take out the trash, and you know that should be the end of it-- right? WRONG! It isn't-- she kicks up giant fuss.

No one in Fresenius is going to walk all the way out to podunk when there is a perfectly good trash bin closer where we can dump our stuff-- we have a lot to pick and we have a time limit for it-- so whatever. Last week passed-- no one died-- everything got done.

Today, Fresenius once again uses the trash bin and then around 9 pm, Mariah comes over to where Renae and Owen are still picking Fresenius and goes "You know I love you guys-- I love you a lot-- but you need to take your trash to the other bin." and then she walks off. (No, she doesn't love us-- I am totally not convinced of this fact, and neither is Renae and Owen, Oh especially not Owen since I can see it on his face)

I interject myself, saying that the distance to walk to the other bin is too far (we use these bins on tuesdays and thursdays when we are running the packing part of our operation, and yes, we empty it out as well). Then she makes it a point to come to me and start ARGUING with me about how it is the same distance (not). Then it ends with her going. "Well you can take your own trash generated out yourself" (because we NEVER take our trash out-- ever). Now, let me tell you-- that was the most mean spirited thing I've actually heard? Do you want to know why?

Well today, Mariah was in a pickle with her orders-- she was swamped, so myself and Cheryl took some of her orders and picked them. We didn't HAVE to do it, but we did because hey, a magical little concept called TEAMWORK. It is coming together to work together for the good of the team. Because of that statement, such a childish and petty statement, I may have said(yelled) the following:

"Okay, you take care of your stuff and we will take care of our stuff-- because that's what teamwork is all about, it is about worrying about yourself before anyone else. Don't expect me to help you get done with orders anymore, or manually ship your orders when you mess up or anything like that-- since you are so worried about yourself and don't want to help anyone else."

her response--

"Don't be like that!"

Seriously-- not taking out her garbage, not going to help her bag her product on friday, not going to help her do boxes. All of these things that she takes for granted that we help her do. So ungracious of her-- especially considering that she never takes out the communal trash bin anyways.

*Deep breaths*

Wow, that was long-- so sorry you guys.
alwaysbeenasmiler: (Zoicite☆For all I carry are)
Tales of Beseria - Magilou | Eizen
Bleach - Ukitake (I need to claim him back, seriously)
Suikoden - Gremio | Tir | Odessa
Tales of Zestiria - Rose
FFIV - Better one of Rydia
One Tree Hill - Brooke or Brooke/Julian
WWE - Bayley
FFXII - Basch

Really, none of these are in any kind of order-- just a future wish list of icons that I really sort of want to make if ever I see a picture that inspires me!
alwaysbeenasmiler: (Alaiyna☆He's stealing salt skin--)
Hi everyone!

This weekend was nice and relaxing, especially since I got to spend it with Owen; the only disadvantage of the friday being that I had to wake up early for re-labeling (something that I volunteered for-- where I work at, there is absolutely no lack of overtime if you want it and there are more then a few times where I've clocked in a 55 hour work week.) There were a lot of people in for relabeling at the very beginning and then as it went throughout the day, they were dragged off to other places-- leaving me to deal with our work's annoying person(tm). It is such a total joy to hear her repeat stories, I swear-- great fun.

I got to Owen's place around 3:30 and then I cuddled with him a bit until we decided to go to the mall, I had thought to go to Trader Joes and World Market however by the time we had eaten at the food court in the mall, I wasn't feeling it. So Owen picked up cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory (White chocolate raspberry cheesecake, yum) and then headed home to watch last weeks Raw and Smackdown. I was happy that Bayley won the title, but I inherently know it won't last since Charlotte Flair is the Pay Per View Queen and she just doesn't lose-- maybe I might be surprised but I sincerely doubt it.

Saturday we woke up and promptly ordered chinese food to nom on, and then after lunch, I met my Bestie for pedicures-- and her and I were talking about Yuri on Ice and then our pedicurist (well hers, since he was doing her nails) interjected with his favorite anime, and then we had a great conversation. (That massage chair was so good, that I dreamed that I was back in it last night). I had speed pedicurist but I did get extra time with my feet soaking in the warm water, so I can't complain too much. Now my toenails are a bright orange, and the shade is called 'pool party'. Seriously-- I could lead Santa's sleigh with this colour of polish.

Afterwards we went back to pick up Owen and head to Sapporo's for dinner with my bestie's mom and her friends (all of them delightfully gay--) and Owen and I found a realitor, so he's going to meet with us on friday and we're going to get the house hunting process started! I really can't wait-- I think that I'm ready to settle down, do the house thing and the kids thing and I want Owen by my side when I do all that.

Now I am home and sort of relaxing from yet another work morning-- I am playing Tales of Beseria and pondering going out to pick me some chamomile tea. And perhaps I may make an icon-- though I don't know. The icon muse is a fickle thing indeed.

Hope you all have a great sunday!
alwaysbeenasmiler: (Rena☆Here we come now)
No post tomorrow morning because I have overtime (willful-- no one is forcing me in; and all I am doing is re-labeling which is easy peasy). Hopefully I sleep better then yesterday and oh-- tomorrow Owen and I are going to the mall, and then to Trader Joes and World Market to pick up noms.

Short post is short-- whoohoo! Bathtime for me!
alwaysbeenasmiler: (Usagi☆I don't want to talk it over)
Here is for my daily post-- because I have to have my thought vomit before work.

Yesterday I picked ferring, which is pretty much the medicine for any time of vaginal ick that you can think of to have-- or rather it's OB/GYN stuff. And there were 10,000 units of this stuff so I came armed with my ipod in order to jam while I picked that stuff. I had thought that maybe I would think of some icon keywords, and I found this one picture of Yuri/Flynn from Tales of Vesperia were totally iconnable so I thought that maybe I would find song that would help the icon come to life.

But then somehow then I thought of pairings that it was likely I would never ever icon, Yuri/Flynn being one of them since it reminded me of an ex. There was a lot of emotional stuff there-- it's the same with Citan/Sigurd and Ukitake/Shunsui. Pairings that sort of remind me of her so I pretty much shy away from them. Don't get me wrong, I still like the pairings; but I like them safely and from a distance because there's still fallout there-- even after 4 years (wow, has it been that long? Now THAT is hard to believe)

It is also why I tend to ship het for the most part-- though there are some m/m and f/f that I dig-- I just remember being gayed out on the RP front, so my mind wants different things, things that doesn't remind me of her. So while I am still fond of Yuri/Flynn and Yuri/Raven; I am a big proponent of Yuri/Estellise. Because my mind grasps for things that are considered to be safe. All old fandoms have that potential to make me wistful and nostalgic, and maybe even a little bittersweet. I remember all the pain, but then I also remember the good times. You can't really have one without memory of the other.

Today is my friday and it's rumored that we're getting pizza! I hope it's not Papa John's because that is what they feed us all the time-- I wonder if there's soylent hidden in it? (mad props if you actually know what Soylent is--)
alwaysbeenasmiler: (Raven☆I don't want to say I'm)
Because I have woken up at 7:30 both monday and tuesday-- my body decided to be hilarious and wake up naturally at 7:25-- two hours before my alarm was set to go off-- and it was nearly impossible to force myself back to sleep so I just opted for bathtub and book time (which is conceivably one of my favorite times.. because well-- BOOKS!).

Most people wonder how I can be such an extrovert but also a complete bibliophile-- and I can see where there lies the conundrum; because a lot of people think that the more introverted you are-- the more you like to read

BIG F'KING FALLACY!

My boyfriend is the most introverted introvert that has ever introverted and he only reads like two books a year (well last year he did a re-read of the Harry Potter books, and that was his sole reading project). I am an extrovert-- I like interacting with people and I like talking-- but I also really love reading and always carry a book with me. Sometimes that book doesn't get taken out or maybe I only read a paragraph-- but as a child, books were friends-- being that I hadn't come into my extroversion gracefully, it left me a bit awkward and eager to spout random things-- books were the friends who understood-- it was my imaginary book friends that I practiced conversations with, I went to pretend parties with-- because real kids were kinda mean and I was awkward socially.


I understand the power of possibility in the written form-- I know that there lies in such a small volume; entire worlds that have yet to be explored. When you think about it, it's an amazing scope of power-- and you don't have to go anywhere to do it-- there is no expensive flight fee-- you are there at the characters side, interacting with them as they go on their own little adventure. That is why I think I love books-- because of the infinite levels of possibility inherent in each one, and after reading a book-- you are never the same. Something in that book has imprinted itself on you, like rings on a tree to denote their growth.

--on a completely unrelated note--

I think that Panera sounds mighty tasty for lunch. I will probably pick up a bread bowl. And maybe I will pick up Owen a bowl of turkey chili too-- and surprise him with it. Oh gosh, he would probably love me forever if I did that!
alwaysbeenasmiler: (Sailor Bara☆Fighting evil by)
Holy shit!

Yuri! on Ice! is amazing.. I have no words for it-- I am on the 4th episode and already I am completely loving it. Thank y'all for the recommendations! (definitely much better then Free! *which I had problems getting into*)
alwaysbeenasmiler: (Sabin☆Whatever I've done to recieve--)
Normally I am not up this early--- I usually am good with waking up at 9 for my work, but our new Supervisor asked us nicely to come in, and considering that he didn't yell at us all day (like our old supervisor), I was inclined to reward him for excellent behavior. The line that I am stuck on is the Fresenius line and it is extremely high priority as we ship it out to people for their dialysis treatment-- so we have to pack it out and send it down the line to be shipped, and seriously the early start that you get on the product, the better (We spend our mondays and wednesdays picking it and our tuesdays and thursdays shipping it)

I slept fairly well but I think that was because NO FACEBOOK! none-- I have no idea what Cheeto is doing and I don't really want to know the rumors of what he is doing. If he is doing something, it will appear on TV at work (likely Fox News since that is what it's always turned to *ugh*). What I did do before bed was watch episode 1 of Yuri!! on Ice!, which I really really liked.

So it's likely that I will watch an episode of that before bed tonight (either that or clock a few hours on Beseria-- those characters won't learn master skills on their equipment by themselves)

I did wake up this morning and got a text from the boyfriend saying "I called you..." to which my phone died at work (must of been all that yelping that I did-- with no facebook, there is always cruising Yelp, looking at all the delicious pictures of food, and composing my foodie 'dream-eat' list. It may of been him calling me to wish me a Happy Valentines Day, but seriously it's hard for me to keep track of my phone and with no facebook til friday, it may make it a bit harder for me to keep track of my phone.

Maybe I will go to Sonics this morning for brekkie; I love their toasters and I could do with a morning cherry coke.
alwaysbeenasmiler: (Sheena/Zelos♣Passion or coincidence)
Monday strikes-- day 1 of the No facebook until Friday in order to get my 'fucked up world-based anxiety' under control.

Slept pretty well-- still had a hard time getting asleep, but deep breathing helped-- I had dreams that woke me up though and was like "Damn it, why can't I fall back asleep", oh yeah-- and my cat stood on my bed and meowed at me at 6 am.

Had this dream that I was at work and they changed the picking system. I couldn't concentrate because actually they changed everything. I go into the breakroom and my boyfriend isn't there so I go grab a coke (but out pops two ice teas) and then I go out to his car where I figure he is (since in real, non-dream life-- we sit at this table with a moron, a complete and utter moron whom we can't stand, I am sure he'd be begging to sit out in his car ever so oftime)

We drive off and find ourselves late back to break.

Then I come back and I try to write down my new password. This annoying girl at work who doesn't do any work but proclaims herself the hardest worker in the building.. she demands that since everyone is standing around, her desk needs to be cleaned. In the dream, I tell her to clean her own damn desk since I'm busy-- then she screeches that she will and walks off.

I don't like dreaming that I'm back at work, on a sunday night-- it makes my weekend feel DOUBLY short when I wake up since really my psyche WAS at whatever Brain trucked up as it's representation of work.
alwaysbeenasmiler: (Duke☆Animals and children tell)
Watching Elimination Chamber from WWE--

Seriously, my boyfriend got me hooked on it; it was a calculated move on his part to show me WWE matches with characters that he was pretty sure that I would like (He never counted on Dean Ambrose though; but I gotta give him props for Tyler Breeze, Bayley and Becky Lynch).

Normally I watch it on my computer while I play video games; but somehow my computer doesn't want to run the network so I've been doing a bit of iconning; and surprisingly both icons have been keepers-- made a Tales of Hearts one (Beryl) and then a FFVI one (Sabin). I love it when I feel amazingly creative-- I haven't made an icon I think in a year--

So it's pretty much relaxing and preparing for work this week which is going to be a winner. We are guarenteed overtime all across the board, which is fine with me since I had to go to the emmergency room and I am not looking forward to the bill-- so any money that comes in will be perfect and will be adequately used to the greatest of purposes.

No, I don't really have to worry about money; I actually used my tax return money in order to play off my credit card bills, so I pretty much will pay 100 a month until the bad boy is paid off. I figure with all the soda that I'm cutting off (along with the fast food), I will have plenty of money to pay it off. Sadly, I do worry about money-- and once I get the bill in the mail, I will know what I'm dealing with (the unknown sucks)

I am pretty sure that 76 percent of my icons are from video games-- maybe that is because it's just ultimately my favorite media siphon.
alwaysbeenasmiler: (Kurt☆I see this life like a swinging)
The best part of a new game, a new book series or a new TV shoes is the characters, I'm not gonna lie-- It's always going to be the thrill of finding another character to identify with-- or a character that has a little piece of me inside her that I recognize. It was the part that made RPing so much fun (back when I did it), because I couldn't just SAY that I was going to RP a character, there had to be some sort of connection there between me and the character that made me want to pick that character up.

For the longest time, I left my identity in these characters-- they were a form of escapism (I realize this now). These characters were heroic, they were brave, they had what I considered to be perfect lives-- and they always got the girl or guy that they wanted. It was easy for me to manifest them into myself.

Even though I don't RP anymore.. I can recognize characters that I love-- that I identify with in some sort of way. Sometimes I've even had favorite characters because I've been half in love with them them.

For example-- in this current Tales game that I am playing-- the character who stood out to me the most was Magilou (and so far she has been my favorite character), I see that humor that she has in myself-- as well as that level of self preservation; that one is a survivor (Now if only I could make a proper icon of her).

Most of the time there are series where once I am able to see the characters, I can tell exactly what character is gonna be my favorite-- I did that with Magilou (because looks and style sort of matters in a way-- that is the first impression of the character, an introduction.) However sometimes that isn't the case-- when I saw the art for Zestiria, I thought Lailah was going to be my favorite character-- and then it ended up being Rose that I loved beyond all reason (to the point where I appreciate Lailah as a character but it was meh *though I think that had a lot to do with still not explaining her backstory even though you knew that her and Michael the Shepherd were connected in some way)

So yes, hurrah for favorite characters!
alwaysbeenasmiler: (Raven/Schwann♣Who are you?)
Boyfriend is gone-- now it's time to put in a little bit of Tales of Beseria and go to town on it! Woohoo!
alwaysbeenasmiler: (Eshild☆And the sky's same as your)
Yesterday was one of those days where I was so glad when Owen walked in the door-- and of course he came bearing a giant shark plushie as well as a valentines day card (The shark plushie, well I like sea animals-- it's one of the things that naturally makes me squee). It was nice to have him hug me and not let me go, in fact I could tell that he didn't want to let me go.

I can only imagine how he felt when I called him at 5 am to tell him that I was in the emergancy room for heart palpitations. He doesn't sleep very well anyways and so that probably made him extra worried and then he had to go to work that day on top of it. Everyone at work asked how I was and he had to field those questions as best as he could (not an easy task for as shy as he is).

Last night we went to Zaxby's and then we watched some WWE coupled with Jersey Shore (I like Reality TV-- no judging). It was relaxing, and that was when I was mostly sure that it was Anxiety-- because when I am near him, I don't feel these worries that sort of overwhelm me sometimes-- he makes me laugh and helps me forget. And I don't go to bed with a thousand things in my mind that circle around and around. It's one of those nice things about dating your best friend-- is that they can make you laugh when you feel like nothing else can.

For example

*At Texas Roadhouse today*

Me: I would like my steak smothered...
Him:... with a pillow (he is being completely tongue in cheek deadpan)

Today we are going to go see the Lego Batman movie-- trying to go later in order to avoid the influx of kids. It's the saturday before Valentines Day, I am pretty sure by a certain point, parents are going to do the switcheroo and leave their kids home while they go see Fifty Shades of NonConsent, leaving the movie theater for the most part calm. (here's hoping-- seriously)

I was looking through my icons and thinking how it would be awesome to have an icon for ALL my favorite characters-- then I realized that perhaps that would be unrealistic-- so I'll just make icons here and there-- I remember making icons all the time and now, it's just like if I find a really good picture and I can visualize exactly what to do with the picture. Along with the great computer purge, I certainly lost my grip on a lot of things, that included brushes attached to my Corel Paint Shop. But when I was younger and making icons, I liked a lot of frippery froo froos, now-- I just like a clean look about them. (except saturated-- I have a thing for saturation on pictures-- if I think a picture is a problem, then I up the RGB and suddenly everything is alrighto!)

Well, that covers it for my daily post. Hope y'all have a great day!
alwaysbeenasmiler: (Tonberry☆I will kill you in your sleep)
So recently it's been Tales of Beseria for me (Oh the video game juggle, how I love thee-- let me count the ways). And let me say that I am enjoying it MUCH more then I did Zestiria. Don't get me wrong, Zestiria is a great game with wonderful characters but there is something about how Beseria starts that makes me just want to know what happens next.

I started playing Zestiria and then I grew bored with it because it was just Sorey and Mikleo going on about ruins-- (and Final Fantasy XIV and XV happened) then I finally got the urge to finish it the last day of this year because the heck if the new year wasn't going to end without me finishing SOMETHING!). Then the preparation for Beseria-- but I don't think I will have that problem with finishing the game-- what I will have a problem with is if the game ends too quickly

In honour of Tales of Beseria-- I've been trying to make a Magilou icon, but it won't work so I'm hoping someone else makes some Tales of Beseria icons so that it will save me the trouble and energy of making them for myself! (Oh, since I have absolutely little time to make icons-- it's probably better if I just let other people make them, I am not what I once was waaaay back then.)

Or maybe I'll re-tool the icon, I don't know.

Anyways, back to thee old game play! Have a great day you guys!
alwaysbeenasmiler: (Raven/Alexei♥So everybody lives and)
I click the random button and I get this! Will wonders never cease!

Last night I woke up at around 3 AM due to heart palpitations. I mean they were pretty serious or so I thought-- and I felt dizzy and short of breath and I felt like I was going to pass out if I didn't get to the ER fast. So I drove myself there (Yes, even I too want to avoid an unnecessary ambulance bill) and so I got there and then they took pictures of my heart, they monitored my vitals until I got back down to around 83 (when I arrived, my heartbeat was 117).

But the doctor was like "All the tests were good, Do you suffer from anxiety". and I was like, "No.. I don't think so-- generally I am a very positive person"

But then after going home, getting some sleep and then waking up-- I think that maybe I have recently developed anxiety. I don't want to think that any one thing helped it along, certainly it isn't my relationship life since I could never be more happy with Owen. But maybe, I am just anxious about the state of the world-- I remember on election night going to sleep with a heavy heart, and then waking up to my heart racing. I checked my phone and sure enough, there was something that I didn't want to happen--

And I thought to myself-- maybe that with the sheer shittiness that was 2016 might have contributed it, with me thinking that something 'must' be lurking around the bend or over my shoulder. I remember waking up to a racing heart maybe around the first of january but I was able to calm myself to go back to sleep-- in spurts.

Does anyone have anxiety? I am so at a lost here, I don't even understand it-- what do you guys do to cope?
alwaysbeenasmiler: dw=shooped (Zelos☆There's a thin line between the)
Due to the sheer ammount of political bullshit on facebook and the fact that it very well might give me an ulcer, I am going to try to gain happiness from fannish type pursuits. Seriously, it's getting to the point where kitties are not popping up on my feed, just anti-Liberal this, anti-Trump that, and it's hard for me to stomach it

In fact, the time when I mostly review Facebook, it's with a glass of wine in one hand.

This world makes me sad-- very sad, and the ENFP me in me cries tears of pain.

But man is this yellowtail sangria good.
alwaysbeenasmiler: (Zoicite☆For all I carry are)
D.I.T.A got fixed and I felt really bad at first because the morning before, she was completely cuddly and trusting-- then I shoved her in the carrier and took her to the vet to get taken care of.

So I was worried that she was going to hold massive ammounts of bitterness toward me like L.I.T.A did. However D.I.T.A was so full of love and cuddled with me and pretty much has let everything go, proving of course that I'm her chosen human.

The other cats though, they can smell the vet on D.I.T.A and they don't like it; L.I.T.A has been mega-bitch, and Mister wants to go into the room to see if he can pick a fight with my little girl. Urk, I don't even know about it, but I am gonna protect D.I.T.A (there is no way those stitches are going to be taken out or anything.). I would of been worried about D.I.T.A except I know that she has chilled out quite a bit since being a kitten, so she isn't going to do anything rash. (she probably will chillax like she normally does)

Been playing more Legends of Heroes, watching Sailor Moon, I did clean and I fixed the tub so now I can have bubble baths! (woot!). All pretty sweet deals.

Tomorrow I get to see my boyfriend and considering I've been on vacation and haven't seen him at work, it'll be nice to spend some time with him. (of course he has given me phone calls every night and told me what I missed at work... oh some of the stuff was completely hilarious!)

Anyways hope y'all are doing great!
alwaysbeenasmiler: (Edea/Ringabel♥I will run for shelter)
It is quite possible to have sex without intimacy.

That being said, it's possible to have intimacy without sex.

Oh fandom secrets, I scroll into your depths disinterestedly and then suddenly I see a post that makes me go 'wtf' and I have to respond.

Bad bad bad bad bad bad BAD!

On to grocery shopping and then going to play more Legends of Heroes because it's crack and I'm hooked! (also going to watch more Wrestling) while I hook up my tablet and then set up HULU on my tablet for my adopted mom, so that she can watch all the anime on Hulu to her hearts content.
alwaysbeenasmiler: (Tonberry☆I will kill you in your sleep)
It's quite possible that "Legend of Heroes: Trail of the Sky" has stolen my soul and is refusing to give it back.

I can't even--

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